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25 jokes to do with a pair of eyes on sticks Jokes and one-liners for when you are holding a couple of balloon eyes (on the ends of 260's) suitable for a comic interlude in the creation of the Googly-eyed Monster hat and other creations. |
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Patter in bold (no quotation marks). Actions in italics 1)Wanna see my impression of a good teacher? Place eyes at back of head. She's got eyes on the back of her head 2)Wanna see my impression of a bad teacher? Wave eyes all about. She can't keep control of her pupils 3) Place eye on the head of a child . I've got my eye on you 4)Shout 'Up Periscope'. Raise the eye up like a periscope and when it gets to the top slowly turn it right and left. Point out people at the back of the room/crowd you can see with it. 5) When someone is walking past make out that the eyes are pulling you along after them. Isn't it weird how the eyes follow you about the room? 6) Raise eyes one at a time and go Iye, Iye! 7) Show one eye on a stick and say This is a needle. If someone points to the eye and asks what it is say The eye of the needle. If someone says needles don't have eyes say No wonder it's so hard to get that camel through. 8)Take the eyes over to someone and ask them to pop them both. I just thought it'd be a good eyes breaker (ice-breaker). 9) Hold up either side of head. Four eyes. 10)Hide eyes behind back. Excuse me did you order ice with your drink? Bring eyes (ice) into view. Here you go then. 11) Do "The Mask" style cartoon character moves. Put the eyes in front of your own and move out and in with appropriate facial expressions. You can do this to do cartoon, shocked or 'look at that, honey' expressions. 12)Sing Old Macdonald had a stereotypical Jewish mother Iye,Iye, Iye,Iye, Iye (Raising Eyes in time to 'Iye's) 13) You know I had a load of these. I tried to get them to all stand in a line. I couldn't, I must have failed my IQ (eye queue) test. 13)Hold one eye up high and let it fall over. It's the eye-fell tower. 14) Or was it just an eye-drop? 15)Hold one up to your eye like a magnifying glass and say "Elementary, my dear Watson" 16)Hold one up to your eye like a magnifying glass take a small citrus plant out of your pocket and say "A lemon tree, my dear Watson" 17) I'd make you a balloon but I've had a hard day scalping aliens. 18) Would you like to see my impression of a dessert?. Take eyes out and scream Chocolate!! in your best vent. 'Chocolate', Eyes Scream. 19) I grew this in my garden. It's an Eye-ris. 20)Want to see my impression of a sailor? Burst one of the eyes. Pop-eye! 21) Where do eyes go to dance? An Eye Ball. 22) What do eyes drink from? An Eye Glass. 23)You'll have to be careful of this eye, it's armed. It's got an eye piece. 24) I really have to give these back, there's a fellow on Mars bumping into things. 25)O.K., I lied, I could only think of 24. E-mail me if you can think of line 25. Best one gets added |